Camp Family

I have confidence issues. People have told me that I seem so confident, but let me tell you right now, that is the fakest show I put on. I was so pumped up for the WBC Staff Retreat that happened from Monday to Wednesday this week, I was so excited to see everyone, and then I psyched myself out of going. I scared myself so bad. I have never regretted one thing in my life, even the worst, but not going to this staff retreat has been the first thing on my list of regrets. Because I know who these people are. I know how loving they are, how much they care about me, how they don't care how I look, how they look past everything on the outside and really get to the inside. These people are the most incredible people I have ever met in my life, and I was scared to be with them. I don't understand why. I just cannot wrap my mind around it.
I was texting my friend Kym and she asked if I was coming to the praise and worship night tonight, so I decided, you know what, I'm going to go, even for this small time. I got my rides together (which was harder to do than it should have been) and off we went. In the car on the way there I was incredibly nervous. I was shaking and I had a knot in my stomach. Don't ask me why, this sounds just as insane to you as it does to me.
I walked in and Katie saw me and waved, she looked so happy to see me! That definitely calmed my nerves quite a bit. Then Kym saw me and hugged me, then I sat with Katie and we hugged. I felt so welcome. Then we moved all the chairs so we could have open space to sing and worship God. I went to find some friends again and felt a tug on my sweater, I tried to look back but suddenly got tackled by a different gasping person. Best "Welcome" ever!!! It made me so happy! We sang for about an hour and then we shared. Some of the things that were said were just awesome. I love sharing time.
I had the brilliant idea to go up and share. I talked about my half sister that I found out about a little while ago. And I feel like I did a terrible job and really didn't get my point across because I heard my voice start to shake and then completely lost my train of thought, so here you go:
I found out about my half sister on Boxing Day. It came as a total shock to me because she's a year older than me. My parents thought I had remembered her from when we were little. Nope. I went through every single emotion the human body has ever experienced in the 24 hours following. It was a crazy time. Some friends were there for me, some weren't. I kept questioning God, why didn't I find this out years ago?? Why do I only know now? Somehow, I just know that this is what He wanted. God's timing is perfect. I know that this is what he wanted, no doubt about it. I met her on January 1st and we had a really good time. I already love her!! I've always felt like a mistake because my mom had me when she was really young. But now, I find myself wondering if she ever felt the same way. My thoughts are different now. I think that's a good thing. I'm pretty sure that God got fed up with me calling myself a mistake all the time too...
Also, in the very early morning on January 1st, I was spending time with God. I felt this overwhelming sense that this year was going to be different. That everything was going to be okay. And I still feel that way, and I rely on that. God is good.
Anyways, I really really love you guys. I love you for who you are, for caring about me, for loving me, and for never giving up on me! I'm praying for you and I love you so so much!!!
I will never ever forget the love that I feel from my camp family. Because that's what you are; you're my family. You truly do show God's love.
God bless!!
Ariel