Drowning

I have been humbled. Last week was just the worst week for me. Have felt that feeling like you're pushed under water, and then you finally get up and breathe, but then you just get pushed back under again? Like you're drowning, and when you finally get that joyous breath of air again, you think everything will be okay, you feel alive! But of course, the waves sweep you up again and pull you back under. You can't breathe, you're frustrated, you're scared, you're tired, you don't wanna fight anymore, you wonder if this is all there is. You give up the fight, and slowly start to drift into unconsciousness, and soon your heart stops beating. And then all of a sudden you wake up, coughing out all of the water and gross stuff you swallowed, you see the sun, and the wonderful person who saved you. He helps you back to your feet and supports you as you walk to where you need to go. You're alive again! That's what my week has been like.
I hope that that illustration made sense to you...as I started writing this, I was like, "K God, I don't even know where I'm going with this...you can just take over!" I think that the most wonderful feeling ever is when you wake up, and you see Jesus' face and feel his love and his touch.
What humbled me this week was the grace of my incredible friends. Of people that I didn't even know asking me if I was okay and showing me compassion. It was amazing. I didn't deserve it one bit. Not one bit. But they were right there, ready to not only offer kind words, but support me. And I thank you, all of you who were there for me this past week. I cannot express how thankful I am to have such amazing people in my life!!
I started thinking about my funeral this week. When I feel like I just want to give up, and like no one cares or likes me or loves me, that's what I do. I imagine my funeral. Because it hits me like a brick every single time. To see the people who are there. The people I have impacted. The people who love me. To hear the stories. To see the loss they're experiencing. To see their faces. To see their emotions. To see this incredible family I have gained through Jesus Christ being my Daddy. I want to be the kind of person that when I die, at my funeral will be some people I hardly even knew, but I had an impact on. That when people see the life I've lived, they won't see me, but they'll see Jesus. That's what I truly want. I want to impact people. I want to bring people to Jesus. I want people to see the fire in me, to feel compassion from me, and love. I want people to not be sad over my death, but to rejoice in the life that I got to live for Jesus and the life that he gave me.
My heart is swelling with love for you guys. Thank you for being who you are. Thank you for your love. Thank you for even just taking the time to read this blog. Thank you for being interested in me. And most importantly, thank you for loving Jesus.
God bless,
Ariel