Broken

My favorite being on the planet <3

You know what? I already know I'm a crappy person, so you don't have to tell me. I am so done with all of this junk. Maybe I deserve it, I don't know. But let me tell you, no one has any right to call me pathetic, talk about me behind my back, call me names, criticize me, or anything else. If you have something to say about me, say it to my face.
No one has any right to criticize me. You know why? Because you don't know me. You don't know my experiences, you don't know how I feel things, you don't know my situations. I have experienced a lot, and that has led me to depend a lot on people. Which is not something that I'm proud of, because now that I realize that I shouldn't have to depend on people, I'm angry. I'm angry because I feel like no one cares. Whenever I feel like I need to talk to someone, I go through my contacts list on my phone, or look at the people online on facebook, but even if I do want to talk to someone, I can never find the words. I never know what I want to say. I know I just want them to hug me and stroke my hair and tell me it's going to be okay and that they love me. But I don't want to burden anyone, and I don't want to have to rely on people, that's the problem. The ONLY one who can do this for me is God, but it just sucks that I can't feel him there physically, or see him, or hear him. Because I wish I could, I wish that I could feel him hug me, and see the look of love and concern on his face, and hear him whisper in my ear that he loves me. But I don't deserve that one bit. I know that he's the only one who could truly love me. I've failed him and disappointed him so many times, and I hate that about myself. I just want him to love me and accept me, and the difference from people is that I know that he does, no matter what. He's always waiting there for me with open arms. I really don't deserve it. I couldn't get through this without breaking down and crying, and I am so broken right now, but God can now come in a pick up the pieces and carry me along.
God Bless,
Ariel