Oh My Dear

I called you up, you were in bed

Could barely make out the words that you said
But you wanted to see me instead, so I got dressed
So I stepped out into the snow
And walked for a mile or so
Felt the rush of blood come from the cold in my chest
Well you finally came to the door
And we talked for an hour or more
Until I asked if you would stay up till 4
You said that's fine
But you said "There's something I have to say
And I can't because I'm just so afraid"
So I held you as you started to shake
That night
Oh my dear, I'll wait for you
And grace tonight will pull us through
Until the tears have left you eyes
Until the fears can sleep at night
Until the demons that you're scared of
Disappear inside
Until this guilt begins to crack
And the weight falls from your back
Oh my dear, I'll keep you in my arms tonight
You slowly lifted your head from your hands
You said "I just don't think that you'll understand,
You'll never look at me that way again
If you knew what I did"
So your tears fell and melted the snow
You told me secrets no body had known
But I never loved you more even though now I knew what you did
Oh my dear, I'll wait for you
And grace tonight will pull us through
Oh my dear, I'll wait for you
And grace tonight will pull us through
Until the tears have left you eyes
Until the fears can sleep at night
Until the demons that you're scared of
Disappear inside
Until this guilt begins to crack
And the weight falls from your back
Oh my dear, I'll keep you in my arms
Till the tears have left your eyes
Until the fears can sleep at night
Until the demons that you're scared of
Disappear inside
Until this guilt begins to crack
And the weight falls from your back
Oh my dear, I'll keep you in my arms tonight
I'll keep you in my arms
Tonight

Oh, yet another holiday. Y'all know how I feel 'bout that. Ick. Valentines. I really don't know the story behind Valentines day, but I still do not care for it. You can love people every single stinkin' day of the year! Why do we have one day designated to show our love? Are we, as humans, incapable of loving unless we are forced or told to?
This song, oh my, I love this song, so much. This gives me hope. Before this summer, I would have said, show me one guy, one guy on this planet who is actually like this. And even if they could, I would not believe a word that they said. Because what I had seen from guys wasn't something I liked. I had seen violence, sex, power thirst, ego, and they didn't treat girls the way they should be treated. But when I worked at camp, I made so many friends. So many. And I love them dearly. They treat you with such respect and love, I didn't know that this existed before camp. That's sad. That we live in such a world that we don't know that this kind of love exists. One day I got a 5 minute lecture from one of my guy friends about how "you are beautiful without makeup". I am so blessed. I find it easier to talk to guys. Why? Because they're just real. They don't try and give you unwanted advice because they think it will help. They're real, they try to help you but they don't tell you what you need to do and how to do it. They're not drama filled, like girls are. You can trust them. I love my guy friends, I am so blessed. If I have something going on, I know I can go to them and talk about it, and they'll listen and give me scripture and examples and truth and prayer. So blessed.
But this song, this is what I want. One reason I hate Valentine's day is because it makes me feel pathetic. I have friends who are younger than me that have boyfriends already, and I can't get a boyfriend?! There's something wrong with this picture. I mean, sure, I don't look picture perfect, but I sure as heck am not ugly! So why do I not have a boyfriend? Well, I think it's because God doesn't want me to right now. He has it all planned out. He knows what I need, when I need it. I've gotta trust him.
But I can imagine my husband. And this song, in a way, represents him. I want him to care about me, and when he knows that something is wrong, I want him to be able to talk to me and listen to me. I want to be able to talk for hours and not get bored. I want to be able to have really goofy, absolutely pointless arguments, or just funny, dumb jokes, or really deep conversations. I want to be able to tell him everything. Everything. There is so much that I've done in my short life, there's a lot of crap. He's going to have to be able to love me in spite of that. Because I can't do anything about my past. But for him to love me and comfort me and accept me, even though he knows what I've done, that is my biggest dream. And when he doesn't know what to say, or when he knows that there's nothing he can say, I want him to just hold me. To hug me and let me cry and not let go. Because I do cry. I hold everything in until I pop, and then it gets ugly. I want him to never ever give up on me. Because I do go through so much, I have my problems, I have my insecurities, I have my break downs, but when someone can stick by me through it all, that's special. I want this man to be a man of God. To put God before me. I want him to treat me like a princess, like I'm so precious. Because not many people have treated me like that. I'm used to being treated like a piece of dirt and being given up on, so when someone treats me differently, it's abnormal, and I love the feeling I get.
I know that God has this all planned out. I know that he's just itching to see me fall in love with the perfect guy, the one he set aside for me. I don't know if he feels as impatient as I do, but I know that he wants it to happen, and I trust that he will give me a husband who will love me no matter what.
But for this Valentine's day, I'm going to do some homework, hang out with my cat (he's my man for now!) and talk to the love of my life: Jesus Christ. He'll always be my perfect man, no matter what.
God bless,
Ariel