Bring It On

Last night, I watched the movie Bring It On-Fight to the Finish. I really liked it, so I watched it again tonight. Movies with dancing always gets me feeling pumped up and confident. I just want to dance and do my hair and makeup and wear clothes that make me feel good. But there is a problem with this movie. It makes me feel incredibly insecure in who I am. Am I sexy enough? Am I supposed to be sexy? Am I supposed to talk like them? Or dress like them? Or dance like them? Can I pull off any of the clothes they wear or the way they talk or the way they dance? Do I have that confidence?
I know better. That's what's so stupid about this. I know that I don't need to be sexy. I know that. I know that if a boy likes me, I don't want it to be for my body or my looks. But is there any harm in making myself feel confident through my looks? Maybe.
I took a jump this year. I had long, long brown hair. I cut it till about shoulder length and dyed it back to blonde. Lighter than my natural colour. I had never taken that kind of risk before, and I loved it. It made me feel confident. I started experimenting with makeup, I love that too, because it makes me feel confident. I started taking more time to do my hair, and I knew that it looked good. And I stopped caring. I stopped caring what others thought of me. Of what I wear or how I walk. I used to have incredible back pain because I was so self conscious when I walked, I didn't like people watching me. Now, that's gone. Why? Camp did an amazing thing this summer, it gave me real friends and real confidence and a real relationship with my Father in heaven. And that is where my confidence should come from. And it did, while I was surrounded by those people.
But then you come home, and you start watching tv and reading magazines and getting pushed to be more like them, to conform to the world. I'm only slowly noticing how I'm buying into this, and I don't like it. This movie made me realize that. I've always loved the ghetto style, and I wish I could pull it off! I've always loved Latin dancing and hip hop, and I wish I knew how to move my body like that. I've always thought that black people are some of the most beautiful people on this earth, and that their skin just glows. I've always loved dark hair, and I wish my skin wasn't so pale so that I could have it. That was all in this movie. And I want it. But that scares me. That I'm buying into that.
I don't like what tv and magazines push at us. That we have to be perfect. That our skin has to be smooth and our makeup perfect and our hair shiny and long and we have to be stick thin. You know what? I want my skin to be smooth and clear and perfect, and when it is, I feel on top of the world. I want my makeup to emphasize my features and make me look beautiful, and when it does, I'm on top of the world. I miss my long hair some days, because there were so many things I could have done with it that I never tried. I want to experiment, but I also want to be safe. In gym, we did a body composition test. And I'm not ashamed of my weight or anything. I'm 110lbs and 5'8", and I always thought I was under weight. And I liked that. But now, I'm "average". I hate that. My stomach dropped when I learned that and I felt so, yuck. I hated it. And I hate that I've gained weight. But I have to accept it. It's a lot harder going through this than I would have thought, because I've always been stick thin, why would I need to worry about my body? But I've noticed that I do worry about it a lot more than I'd like to admit.
Watch yourself, you guys. Don't let that advertising pull you in. No one is that perfect. I need to learn that. This whole world needs to learn that. We just have to be open minded and let our confidence come from God and not this world. Be not of this world.
God bless you guys,
Ariel