Joke's On You

I've been getting a little hit of reality the past couple of days. And quite honestly, it sucks. I'd really just like to ask for prayers...I'll explain.
I really did think that I was at peace with the concert that I was planning being canceled. Manafest is coming to Winkler 2 days before my concert was supposed to happen, and I think that's what got me through the first couple weeks. Now it's been quite a while, at least it feels like a while, since it's been canceled, and I realized that I've had this false idea of what was going on. I thought that I would be much more involved with the Manafest concert, and I'm not. I thought it would be cheaper, but it's not. I thought it would be in Morden, but it's not. It's not my dream. And don't get me wrong, these things are not bad things, but this is other people's dreams. I love them dearly, but it's become clear that it's not what I had expected. I guess I half expected them to let me take the reigns and carry out my dream...which is completely delusional! I know, I know. My dream was to have these freakin' awesome bands come to Morden, because Morden doesn't get stuff like this often, to have a cheap, affordable concert that everyone could enjoy and have fun at. It's hard for me to not be in charge...more than I realized. I love being in charge! It's fun to plan, to see everything coming together, to be under the stress of it all, to be busy, to see the finished product.
It really hurts me that the Fire With Fire tour isn't coming to Morden...more than I knew. I feel a pang of sadness everytime I even think about July 18. I often feel like I've had my baby taken away from me. That concert was my baby, in a sense. I cared so much for it, I wanted to see it come together, I put so much work into it, I loved everything about it. I feel like the doctors told me that I was going to have a baby, and then a couple months later, they tell me the baby died. Gone. No more. Joke's on you. It breaks my heart.
Please, keep me in your thoughts and prayers, especially on July 18. I can just see how hard that day is going to be for me. God is good though, all the time. I believe that with my whole heart.
I'm not mad at anyone. I'm just sad, and I guess maybe a little resentful, but I will get over it. I know that when God closes one door, he opens another. These bands (The Letter Black, Write This Down, Icon For Hire, I Am Empire, and Nine Lashes) are just fantastic, and I've been praying for them and I will keep praying for them. I've had the opportunity to talk to some of the people in the bands too, and they are just the most awesome people you'll ever meet. I just really want to stress that I'm not mad...I'm sad. I'm broken hearted, and it's going to take a while for my heart to heal, because I did put my whole heart into this. But God is good. He is good...
God bless,
Ariel